Society has allowed people to more frequently excuse our own actions or others actions by just saying "that's who he/she is" or "that's just who I am, can't change it." This is a load of GARBAGE. We aren't just mean. We aren't just rude. We are just opinionated. We are just selfish. We CHOOSE to be these things. And when we allow and enable others to be they way they are, we are saying it's okay that you are rude, mean, opinionated, selfish, etc. It's not okay and it should never be okay.
I have seen many families, friendships and marriages fall to the "that's just who they are" excuse. And it makes me feel sad and angry towards the person who allows to "just be that way". We feel anger, we feel the need to be rude because we are hurt, we feel like we should be selfish, but it IS a CHOICE to act on those feelings. Feelings are natural, we were born with tons of emotions that can be changed based on circumstances. BUT we have the choice as to how we act on those feelings.
To the rude/mean person- I have generally found, with my own experience in being hurt and knowing of others hurting, that the root of almost all rudeness and meanness, lies hurt. My thoughts to you, are that I know you are hurting, and I know the mixture of jealousy, envy, hurt, lies, etc. can lead to rudeness/meanness but choose not to act on that. You are not just mean, I know that deep down there is a heart of gold covered up by all the pain, all the loss, and all the lies you've been told. But know that you can choose to be the nice, kind person God created you to be. Even despite all the hurt you've felt. Don't be the "oh he/she is just mean, that's just who they are" person. It is your choice!
To the outspoken/opinionated person- First off, let me tell you, we ALL have a comment about everything in everyone's lives, some people choose to keep those opinions inside. When opinions and advice come in love, there is nothing wrong with that. BUT I have generally found that unless something asks for advice, they usually do not want it. Opinions of how you would run someone else's life, problems or circumstances are their business. And unless your opinions and advice come from your heart of hearts, from that deep down loving place, those opinions become hurtful. AND I have also found that when most people say they want advice, what they really want is just to be listened to. So don't be "oh she/he just has an opinion about everyone and everything, that's just who they are." Again you have the power to not be that person. Sometimes opinions are best kept inside.
So many relationships are broken because we allow people to act they way they do, because we let ourselves believe that they are acting that way because that's just who they are and it cannot be changed. We have to do some inside work, to make sure we all aren't "just who we are". When we allow ourselves to just become our feelings and our choices we lose friendships, family members and important relationships. So just remember, you have every right to feel a certain way, but you have no right to become the way you feel, just because "you are that way".
