I think about Amiah every day. I think about how her personality would have been. I think about the way her and Elijah would have interacted. I think about how hard it would be to take them both anywhere. I think about how I would do anything to get her back. I think about how I would have rather her and Elijah both be here with their daddy and wonder why God didn't take me instead. So when I say I think about Amiah every day, I think about her every single day.
As time goes on, I am constantly seeking the good in Amiah not being here. Because I serve a God who takes every bad thing and can use it for His glory, I am constantly searching for a way that the tragic, confusing, devastating loss of my daughter can be used for His kingdom. It's hard. It's hard to say to God- yes, I want to see the good in this. Because my human instinct tells me there is no good. What kind of good God would take my daughter? What kind of good God would take an innocent life from a mommy and daddy who wanted her so badly? But that is the enemy talking to me. I know God did not take my daughter. I know we live in a fallen world. But I do know that God can use our situation to bring glory to Him. And what better way to honor the short life of my daughter than to shine light on His kingdom?
So I will search, and search and search for the silver lining in the hardest situation of my entire life. I will think of my daughter every single day. I will never forget her. I will grieve with mothers who have lost a child. And any time the devil rears his ugly head and tries to make me believe that God took my baby. I will choose Jesus. I will choose to believe that my daughter's short lived time in my womb has a purpose. And I will hold onto that hope until I get to hold my baby in my arms when I get there.
So here is to you, Amiah Mae. You are loved, you are remembered, and you will never be forgotten.
Love,
Mommy, Daddy and Elijah.
