WE'RE GETTING OUR EMBABIES BACK!

SO EXCITED. SO EXPECTANT. SO HOPEFUL.

I had my appointment today to make sure my body has calmed down from hyper stimulation. I went in with hope, but I also went in knowing we may have to wait ANOTHER month, and I anticipated the latter. But God rocked my world through the words my doctor said. "Everything is back to normal, let's schedule your FET." Shock. Awe. Tears. Excitement.

All the feelings I have been wanting to feel, and there I had them, right in that patient room. Dion could not come with me today, but as soon as the doctor and nurse left the room, I did a little praise dance, looked up to my Father and said so sincerely, "thank You."

September 17th. That is THE big day. The day we get 1 or 2 of our little embabies (embryos) transferred to me. Our little embryos that have already divided into 100 cells, and all they need to do is simply stick and then make a home for the next 9 months. Half of me, half of my dear husband, all of my heart. They just have to stick.

I feel it in my bones and in my soul that this is our time. I feel like God is going to make this happen. With a LOT of Jesus, help from doctors, 10 billion tears, 5 million break downs, we may just end up with our miracle(s).

In my selfishness, You show me grace.

Lately I have been so selfish and self absorbed in my wants and desires, that I have neglected to see what my God has done for us. He has done so much. He allowed my body to produce 36 mature eggs, He willed 28 of those eggs to be fertilized, and He formed and create 11 sweet embryos.

I have gotten so wrapped up in the fact that we have to do a FET due to OHSS that I have failed to see what is right in front of my face. My God working for me, my God working for US, my God moving mountains. It's so easy to lose sight of what God is doing, because we want what we want and we want it now, but if I just step back and reflect on what He is doing, I can see how He is moving.

I am so thankful and my heart is so full over our sweet 11 embabies. We have come so far in this journey, and we would not be this far without God. He moves mountains people, He REALLY DOES!

What a day! (Maybe TMI!)

I have been so crazy busy with school, I haven't had much time to blog about our journey. Today was a little crazy with talking to the nurse all day about what's going on. So this could be TMI, but I really want to document this journey for others and for myself in the future. My period came today (we will refer to it as day 1) and I was surprised. I thought the doctor said it wouldn't come for 2 weeks after my retrieval, but Dion says he heard him say it would be 7-10 days after my retrieval. Today was 6 days past my retrieval, so I called the doctor to double check.

The nurse returned my phone call saying that they were worried because it was "too soon" for my day 1 to be here. I reassured her this was definitely my day 1, based on cramps and all that fun stuff, because she was thinking it was unusual bleeding. She then also told me I may not be able to use this cycle for a transfer because of the early day 1. Cue me freaking out, getting angry and wanting to cry. Here I was, ONCE AGAIN being told something could be pushed back. Here's my whole issue on this, I know they can't control my body, I know things need to be PERFECT for our little embabies to stick, and I get that I really do. But why didn't the doctor mention this to me when he thought I may have OHSS? Why didn't he say, "you may not be able to do a FET the very next cycle because your ovaries could still be swollen?" Why am I constantly left in the dark, only to have my hopes shattered because of a new variable?

After speaking with some people who have had the same thing happen. A retrieval, with no transfer, they all said their day 1 came about 5-7 days after retrieval. So I called the nurse back again, wondering why they were freaking out and why they already are talking about not letting me use this cycle for a FET (frozen embryo transfer). Meanwhile in the mix, she wants me to come in for a scan, and wants me to this week. It is my first week of my first year of teaching, it is literally impossible for me to miss, nor do I want to miss. So she finally works something out where I can come in Saturday for a scan, which will still allow us time to make this cycle a FET cycle if my body is working.

So what are they looking for Saturday? To be honest, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. They are so vague. And I don't have time to research all this crap because I have a job. And their job is to tell me what the heck is happening. After all, we did spend $12,000. The nurse did mention that my ovaries have to be back to normal size on Saturday for the doctor to approve my FET. Here's another kicker, MY doctor whom I love, love, love is out of town this week. And the doctor that I don't care for at all is doing my scan Saturday. So that's fun.

The only good news that came out of today is that we had 11 embryos make it to freeze (day 5 or blast stage). I'm so happy and excited and relieved with that number, but I am so ready to do our transfer. I don't think I have swollen ovaries, nor do I think I had OHSS, because I never had pain nor did I ever have to take the heavy drugs they prescribed to me. So I'm praying my body is normal and that my non-favorite doctor approves my transfer or I may just be ringing up my actual doctor while he's on vacation. Not really, but maybe. I am borderline crazy today. HA.

God is Good.

On Wednesday I had my retrieval. They retrieved 45 EGGS. SO CRAZY. Then we got the call yesterday that of the 45 eggs, 36 were mature and 28 were fertilized. So we have 28 embryos at this moment growing!

So what's next? The 28 embryos are watched closely and whichever embryos make it to day 5 or the blast stage will be frozen. Typically that's about half of them, could be more, could be less. Then in September when we go to do our frozen embryo transfer they will de-thaw 2-4 for the transfer.

The great news? We probably will never, ever have to do the shots and retrieval part of IVF if we want more kids because we had such a great number.

I am so excited and just ready for September to be here for our transfer! I'm praying our little embabies just keep growing and growing. This is the closest Dion and I have ever been to becoming parents! With a whole lot of Jesus and a little bit of science our dreams are starting to become a reality!

Change of plans.

Well, yesterday we got some disappointing news. We will not have our transfer this cycle due to hyper-stimulation. I was really disappointed because it means another month of waiting and another cycle of doctor's visits and medicine. However, I don't have to do injections again, but I will be on some type of medication when we do the transfer next cycle.

Of course, my overly positive husband found a billion benefits to us doing our transfer in September. One positive is that I for sure won't be due until the summer, so that's nice. Also, I've heard from a lot of people that a FET (frozen embryo transfer) have higher success rates. If the don't put the embryos back in me (transfer) right after the retrieval it gives my body a chance to recuperate from all the medicines I've been taking. The reason they are putting off the transfer for this cycle, is because of OHSS (ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome) I could get really sick, and in terrible cases could die.

So, although it's another bump in the road, it does seem to be the better option. My retrieval is tomorrow and they will still fertilize the eggs as soon as they retrieve them. So I'm praying we get an awesome phone call saying our little embryos are growing!

Are we done yet?

Yesterday I had an appointment, and seriously thought it would be my last check-up before my retrieval and that I would have a retrieval Monday or Tuesday. HA. HA. HA. God just keeps laughing at me making plans over here. Since they lowered my dose of Gonal F on Thursday, my eggs are still growing just at a much slower rate. Which is frustrating, in my non-doctor impatient view, because had they just kept me on the same dosage I probably would have been ready.

I had to see a doctor that wasn't my normal doctor, because only one doctor in the practice works on Saturdays, and it wasn't mine. He did my ultrasound and so pleasantly said, "looks like your retrieval will be Wednesday or Thursday." Right when he said that I literally wanted to punch him in the face, and apparently my face showed that, because he said, "is something wrong with that?" Well, yes something is wrong with that. I thought my retrieval would be Monday or Tuesday, allowing me to do the retrieval and transfer without interfering with anything I had going on with school.

If my retrieval is Wednesday, I'll miss new teacher orientation. If my retrieval is Thursday, my transfer could be during the first week of school. THIS IS SO STRESSFUL. Infertility is hard, and so are the treatments and explaining that to an employer. Most people think my desire to seek out infertility treatments is a choice and not a necessity. Therefore, not too many people, believe those seeking infertility treatments should take off work to do so.

Last night, after I was so frazzled, Dion asked me what I wanted more. He said what would you be okay without? Without a baby or without a job? Obviously I want my job, and I don't think I'll lose it over this, but we've been trying FOREVER for this baby.

I know it is all in God's hands. I know he will place understanding in my administration's hearts. I know the retrieval and transfer have to be at the most perfect time for God's plan to work out. It's just so hard being out of control. Maybe that is what He is teaching me, my life is not my own, nor are my plans.