Keep Calm.

We had another appointment today. It went well, but scared me a little. My body is doing well, like REALLY well, as in wanting to be an over-achiever & producing lots and lots of eggs. This is a good thing, but can lead to a bad thing. If my body starts to produce too many eggs and those eggs are large it could lead to OHSS, which is basically the overstimulation of my ovaries. This condition leads to swollen and painful ovaries, which could cause the doctor to put off my "transfer" (putting the embryo(s) back inside me).

The doctor just mentioned it, I think so that I wouldn't be shocked if it actually happened and they had to postpone my transfer. He adjusted my injections & has me on a lower dose. I spoke with the nurse before we left and she said it doesn't appear that I have OHSS this moment, and lower my shot dosage will definitely help.

We also thought today would be our last ultrasound before the retrieval, but they want to see me again on Saturday just to be sure the lower dose is working. The doctor still believes my transfer will be Monday or Tuesday. So now we are just praying my body calms down and that we get to do a fresh transfer this cycle. I went out and bought some coconut water and protein granola bars, because apparently coconut water and protein help with avoiding OHSS.

We're moving along.

Today I had another ultrasound and some blood work done. Our doctor seemed extra happy and pleased with the way my body is responding to the medicine. My body is reacting the exact way we wanted it to for the procedures.

I am still taking the shots every night and Wednesday night I am adding in another shot to the mix. I have an appointment Thursday and if things continue to progress the way they have been my egg retrieval will be MONDAY!

Monday, Monday…it's so close! Once the eggs are retrieved the transfer is 2-5 days after that. So I could have little baby(s) Sanders snuggled inside! This is getting so real. I'm so excited and so nervous and so anxious.

Friday Night Fun.

Tonight I feel like we have officially "begun" our journey. I started the injectables & it was a lot less stressful and painful than I thought it would be! Today I think I watched the "how to" video for the shot maybe 15 times. I then made Dion watch it and he wasn't thrilled and didn't think he needed a lesson on it.

My mom told me she's been thinking about me all week because she remembers when I was little I would scream and hide from the doctor if I knew a shot was coming. She was worried I still hated shots. (so sweet) I mean no one loves shots, but if these shots bring us a little miracle, I can sacrifice.

So, what's next? I do injectables every night until Monday, when I go in for more monitoring and blood work to see if my body is reacting the way it should be. Then I'll take shots for probably another 7-10 days. THEN, hopefully, the first procedure happens- egg retrieval.

But for now, we're just praying the my body is reacting to these shots the way it should. My prayers are small these days, I'm trying to take it day by day. I mean, we all know what we want the big outcome to be, and which I still pray for. But today I am just praying the shot I took does exactly what it is supposed to be doing. :)

Shots, Shots, Shots.

Monday was my last birth control pill, and I have a break from meds until Friday when we start SHOTS. I am really excited because it means we are closer to the actual procedures, but I am so nervous we are going to mess something up.

The shots are pre-dosed, meaning they have up to a certain amount of the medicine in them, and I have to dial to the amount I need. The stressful part of this is that at some point the medicine won't have enough in for the dosage I need, so I will have to dial the remaining amount into a new shot. THIS. STRESSES. ME. OUT.

We are spending so much time, money, effort and desire on this whole process that I would hate to mess up one of the shots and it not work because of me. Dion says I shouldn't be worried because he is an expert at giving shots because he used to have to help his dad with his insulin. So we will see how Dr. Dion does. HA.

But anyway, we are both excited to get this show on the road. It's been a slow moving process until this week and once the shots start I know it will all go by quickly. Keep us in your prayers!

What's next?

Today we had our first baseline appointment to see what things are looking like and how the birth control is working. The doctor said everything is looking perfect & gave us a date to stop birth control. I will stop birth control July 20th. Then I get a break from all meds for 3 days, then I start stims, aka the shots, on July 24th. Then I will have another baseline on July 27th to see how the injectables are working.

They told us today that our 'expected' date of egg retrieval will be August 4th. I am praying it does fall on August 4th, because this is a day I have nothing going on with school. So if you could pray that our egg retrieval does fall on August 4th that would be great!

At our appointment today our nurse was explaining the shots again and what happens if the pre-dosed shot runs out mid injection. I just nodded my head and pretended I knew what she was saying, but secretly I had no idea what she meant. Thankfully Dion understood her, but he wasn't happy with me when I told him I pretended to know what she said. He was like you gotta ask more questions!

As time gets closer and closer to the retrieval and transfer, we just keep dreaming & being hopeful. I think we're the perfect balance of realistic and hopeful right now, I'm mainly pessimistic and Dion is super optimistic!

Each day that passes, is another day closer to our dream. :)

God probably just keeps laughing at me.

And I'm sure God just keeps laughing at me. When Dion & I went to our "education day" we were both under the impression that IVF/ICSI would last the month of July and we would be done. All of the procedures would be the last week of July and then I would just have to get my blood drawn to see if it worked in August.

HA. HA. HA. That is what God did. I finally thought I had a little control on this whole IVF thing, and I had it all planned out that it wouldn't interfere with my first year of teaching. It turns out my procedures (egg retrieval and transfer) won't be until the first week of August. Which is super stressful. I have to get my classroom set up, I have new teacher orientation, and I have to start teaching!

But I'm just going to trust that God has it under control. We can't give up now or even turn back now because we have already invested our time and money at this point. I'm just praying everyone can be understanding with our situation. It is so difficult. Infertility isn't like cancer, or a heart disease, or any other type of illness where people wouldn't think twice about you seeking treatment. People tend to view infertility treatments as "optional", which is sad. It is a disease, there is a medical problem, and yes we want our own kids, so we want to seek out every venue and avenue to try and make it work. But sadly, not everyone understands this.

Anywho, after my mild, maybe not mild, freak out, I think it'll be okay. I can only hope. I'm just praying every little date and time falls exactly where it has to for baby Sanders to be made. And I'm just going to stop making plans, it obviously never matters anyway. ;)

Meds are in!

Who would have ever thought I would be excited for this many INJECTABLES, a.k.a shots, to arrive?!

Today all my medications for IVF arrived and I am so excited! I even have my own hazardous waste container for used shots to go in. So scary, so terrifying, so exciting, so many feels!

I am definitely nervous though, there are so many things that have to be done perfectly, that I am nervous I am going to mess something up. It's definitely a lot of stress. But it is also very exciting.

Dion and I were at a wedding tonight, and while we sat at the table, we dreamed, oh we dreamed. We were talking about who we will tell, how we will tell them if we find out it worked. I told Dion that I will probably cry tears of joy for a solid 24 hours if it works, which he responded with, "it's going to be so awesome babe." My heart melted into a puddle. If it is one thing Dion doesn't do- it's dream. But tonight was good. Today was good. We can't wait to get this show on the road!

We're waiting on you baby Sanders, and praying hard for you, and love you more than you could imagine.

Here we go...

It's here. It is finally here. The month I have been waiting on for what feels like forever. It's the first day of our first cycle of IVF. There are SO many emotions- hope, excitement, fear, sadness, expectation, gratefulness. But I'm holding onto hope.

This isn't the life I dreamed of- the life I dreamed of was a little simpler, and definitely did not have so many tears. But this is my life, this is our life, and as much as I wanted to curl up and stay in bed for the rest of my life, I didn't, I won't. So with a  little bit of science, a whole LOT of prayer, and the support of our family and friends we are headed down a journey that will hopefully make us a family of 3 or more! ;) 

I am going to try and keep up my blog throughout the journey, not really for anyone else, but more for me, Dion, and our future baby(s).