I was carried in Your arms.

Next weekend I will be attending an IF:Local here in Lexington, KY. Last year, my sister in law invited me. I told her on a whim I would go, but when the weekend came up I dragged my feet to go because I was so exhausted from the week. But I am so, so glad that she invited me and that I actually went. If you want to attend a weekend full of phenomenal woman speakers and create connections with other amazing women you need to check out https://ifgathering.com/gather/local/. One of these years I am going to figure out a way to go to the live on in Austin, TX.

So what I am getting at is what we wrote on the rocks last February. They asked us to write what our next step of faith looked like or what we wanted it to be. After two years of struggling with infertility, I wrote that I wanted to give my struggle to conceive to God and work on my relationship with Him. Which was hard to do. I felt that if I let my struggle go that He might forget that is still a desire of mine and my husband's-to have children. But I did.

"You were singing in the dark, whispering Your promise even when I could not hear."

So I began working on my relationship with God and I worked on returning to the fact that GOD IS STILL GOOD even when we deal with crappy situations, even situations we can't control. Throughout our infertility journey I have often questioned God's goodness. I was able to get back to knowing and believing that God really is good.

That summer following IF last year, we were able to do IVF. (The expensive fertility procedure) In September I became pregnant with our first baby. I was over the moon- we were both over the moon. But suddenly it all came crashing down. We lost our first baby at 6 and a half weeks.

And it was hard. But at the same time it wasn't. That relationship God and I had been working on over the months before I became pregnant was still there. Through the miscarriage of our first baby I was able to believe God was still good and that God still cared and that God wasn't leaving me. In mending my relationship with God, I was equipped to deal with our miscarriage. He held me through it all and I never doubted He wasn't there or wasn't good.

Flash forward to now- one week before this year's IF. I am 10 weeks pregnant with twins. God is so faithful. I can't even describe in words the way this journey has changed me and changed my view of my good, good Father. God has walked me through every step of this journey and I always think of the song "Not for a Moment" when I think about this whole journey. He hasn't forsaken me, and He has heard my cries.

I can't wait to see how God works at this year's IF:Gathering!