One year. How has this year passed? It passed slow and fast all at the same time. The painful moments lasted forever, the joy-filled moments came and went TOO quick.
Almost one year ago, I labored & delivered our twins. Into this world, I delivered one sleeping babe and one crying babe. Elijah was born first. To hear his screams, that was straight music to my ears. When I heard him cry and scream, I praised God. Those cries were the soundtrack of my heart. Then Amiah was born. I knew she wouldn't scream. I was told I should just let her be buried. I was told I probably would not want to see her, as her heart had stopped beating 4 weeks prior. I was told she maybe would not look like a typical baby. But, do you know what I saw when I held her? I saw beauty. The beauty I saw was unheard of, I do not think I will ever see that type of beauty in my lifetime again. Amiah Mae, you were breathtaking.
This year has been hard. Child loss strains every single relationship you have. My marriage was strained, my relationship with my son was strained, my family and friendship relationships were strained. Because that is what loss does. Satan is the owner of loss. He wants to strip it all away. He wants you to succumb to loss. But lets not let him.
The dark will not have my marriage. Even before children, or the discussion of children, Dion was the prayer I prayed for. So no, Satan, you cannot have this. My marriage was destined by God before it all. I wish that God would have told me about you when I was just a kid. I remember praying for my future husband, and now that you are my husband, it just all makes sense. I wish I would have met you sooner.
The loss of my daughter will not steal my joy. Amiah, I love to speak your name. I love to tell others about you. That curly hair you had, those long fingers, those beautiful feet, and those kissable lips. You are my daughter, you are your daddy's girl, and you are Elijah's sister, and you HAVE CHANGED THIS WORLD.
There will never be a day that passes that I don't think of you. And to some, I may sound like a broken record, one that cannot move on, but I can't. You were supposed to be here. We were supposed to watch you and Elijah grow up together. But, God had different plans. And maybe we won't understand those plans until we get to the other side.
All that I do know, is that I cannot wait to hold you again, sweet princess.
No comments:
Post a Comment