Are we done yet?

Yesterday I had an appointment, and seriously thought it would be my last check-up before my retrieval and that I would have a retrieval Monday or Tuesday. HA. HA. HA. God just keeps laughing at me making plans over here. Since they lowered my dose of Gonal F on Thursday, my eggs are still growing just at a much slower rate. Which is frustrating, in my non-doctor impatient view, because had they just kept me on the same dosage I probably would have been ready.

I had to see a doctor that wasn't my normal doctor, because only one doctor in the practice works on Saturdays, and it wasn't mine. He did my ultrasound and so pleasantly said, "looks like your retrieval will be Wednesday or Thursday." Right when he said that I literally wanted to punch him in the face, and apparently my face showed that, because he said, "is something wrong with that?" Well, yes something is wrong with that. I thought my retrieval would be Monday or Tuesday, allowing me to do the retrieval and transfer without interfering with anything I had going on with school.

If my retrieval is Wednesday, I'll miss new teacher orientation. If my retrieval is Thursday, my transfer could be during the first week of school. THIS IS SO STRESSFUL. Infertility is hard, and so are the treatments and explaining that to an employer. Most people think my desire to seek out infertility treatments is a choice and not a necessity. Therefore, not too many people, believe those seeking infertility treatments should take off work to do so.

Last night, after I was so frazzled, Dion asked me what I wanted more. He said what would you be okay without? Without a baby or without a job? Obviously I want my job, and I don't think I'll lose it over this, but we've been trying FOREVER for this baby.

I know it is all in God's hands. I know he will place understanding in my administration's hearts. I know the retrieval and transfer have to be at the most perfect time for God's plan to work out. It's just so hard being out of control. Maybe that is what He is teaching me, my life is not my own, nor are my plans.